Author: neil

A quarter of 2022 is over/passed/done.  It has been an interesting experience to take this in fortnightly sprints, focusing on specific things each sprint, at least as best as I could.

The momentum of 100 days to go at the end of 2021 helped significantly.  Writing everyday hasn’t been hard. Calligraphy continued and I’ve worn out at least 3 fine nibs 🙂 I’ve been able to read more regularly than in the last couple of years. I’ve been able to stop reading stuff that I don’t particularly enjoy in the moment. I’ve learnt stuff that I thought was important – but haven’t really used it. The learning was fun, and kept the momentum.

Some habits didn’t quite stick. I did three weeks or so of push-ups.  Doing them alone meant a lack of external motivation on days I didn’t feel like or couldn’t for other reasons. Switching to yoga with my wife solved the problem, and it meant that we both kept (keep) each other going.   We caught COVID, and recovered. The fatigue continues weeks after, although not as much as in the first few days. The weather played havoc, and took out our evening walks on the beach.

Several people I respect at work decided to move on. Journalling everyday has been my way of coping with it. I’m still unsure of where I stand in my work journey, but it is becoming clearer each day.  Observing leaders behaviours has been illuminating- I’ve had to reassess my opinions and change my minds about several in the last three months. Incentives have a huge influence on the way people behave within the system.

My community involvement has started to reap benefits, even though they’re miniscule at this stage in some, and much bigger in others.

The second fortnight in February was pivotal as I considered it then, and still do. The highlight was giving a platform to 3 women who don’t usually have a voice in the org hierarchy. It’s triggered a wave of change that many are riding.

I started writing for 20 minutes before I start my day. It’s helping to centre my emotions, and gives a reasonably consistent level.  Taxes and finances are back on track, almost.  The specialist broke up with me, not finding anything seriously wrong and/or requiring major intervention.

I started to learn to play the cello, and sketch a little. Went well for a week, and today it stalled because I got carried away with some chores during lunch hour.

What needs to change?

Emotional turmoil is hard to deal with, particularly at work. There’s more org politics to deal with and no one to bounce it off in a couple of weeks from now. Supporters are harder to come by, as are budgets. New alliances are forming but there’s not been any room to deepen or strengthen them before they are starting to be tested.  Journalling is the only way I can see how to deal with it.

Screen usage is rising again. The effects are debilitating – poor sleep, doom scrolling eating into time, fatigue and guilt when I realise what I’ve done, often too late, inattentive eating.  I read today that ‘dumb’ or ‘less smart’ phones are making a comeback, perhaps essential for me too?

I have to deeply examine what role work has in my life. Is it central to everything I do? This post from 2019 by Arthur C Brooks is on my mind.  The Agile Manifesto frames it well: We value (one good thing) even over (another good thing). There are a few exercises I will do in the lead up to the Easter break that will help me synthesize and clarify what is important.

Reading every day. Paper, not screens. Screens offer distractions and I take them.

This tweet by Tom Goodwin was very useful to think about what is my super-power, and has been in the dozen years in this industry, and beyond.  I need to remember this on days I feel impotent or frustrated.

I’ve been on my mental toes all day. An insane number of chores with deadlines to tackle this evening.

I don’t feel rested – and my emotions are on a roller coaster. I still have dozens of things I need to get done, and I’m exhausted. Nothing a good night’s rest won’t solve, & I will come back to these tomorrow.

 

The last couple of nights I’ve stayed up to do a little project, which has meant I am not writing here. I’m learning to be okay with that, and to not make ‘not-writing’ a habit hence this ridiculous hour post.

The end of the sixth sprint means it’s a quarter of 2022 has passed by. Reflecting on this time gone by is an exercise I will do through the next day or so. Regular routine is out of the window (we’re staying over at a friends place). But that doesn’t mean of course that thinking about this isn’t possible, or happening. Sleep patterns though are out of whack.

I’ve written over 25 pages today by hand, calligraphy of course, and my fingers need some rest if they’ve got to continue typing. At 130am, that is a good idea 🙂

Distrust and misunderstanding galore, with gatekeepers (rightly?) not wanting to let things out of control, and steadily making themselves irrelevant. That was the summary of several conversations I had today.

The specialist I saw for my incessant cough broke up with me.  “You’re discharged” he said, after explaining the issue, and a rather trivial solution.  It’s a relief to know I don’t need medication. Better hydration, sleep habits, and vocal exercises will be enough.

Agitators for change are a tribe. I found a few more today.  Ideas that were dormant for a while get another chance at revival.  Not every seed planted germinates or sprouts or survives or flowers or fruits or grows into a tree. That doesn’t mean we stop planting or nourishing the soil or watering it.

I finally got my act together and created a comms server for a tight-knit group of friends to continue our conversations, despite the tyranny of distance, and no-longer-common workplaces.

The desire to keep conversations and support exists. Trust exists, built and nurtured in the meatverse. The technology now available makes it easy to create these community spaces.

I learnt today that people will freely share their insight, if only someone cares enough to ask. Humor and empathy go a long way. I also learnt today that people will build processes to protect themselves. It works in the short term, until someone sees through the process for what it is. Then they lose credibility.

I’m grateful for a lot of people today. Many brought a smile to my face with their pokes, some others reminded me to breathe.  Just being there was enough with others.

Morning pages went on for longer than I’ve done in a single sitting. There was a lot on my mind when I awoke, and writing things down is already clearing a lot of mental shelfspace. Yoga helps too, as does copious amounts of water.

Walks don’t happen as planned. Cello and drawing basics worked 3 days in a row, though not at planned times. Three days in a row, I’ve spoken to people I want to, and then a few. I’ve helped connect people and ideas. I even got recognised as the Dad Jokes guy in a meeting 🙂