The streak of writing broke for two days. Physical and mental exhaustion both caught up before the sun went down and I found myself in bed, wondering why I didn’t write in the morning. Exhaustion, and waking up just in time for work isn’t conducive for writing in the morning.
This sprint has been chequered with ill-health. I’ve managed to consistently do calligraphy and reading. Everything else was secondary. The order in which I’ve thought about the importance of things – “when wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, everything is lost” doesn’t feel right. Time doesn’t even feature in that idiom that has guided my life. Health’s more important. Time runs out steadily and imperceptibly. Character? Well, at my age, that is a habit now isn’t it? I can’t imagine a different character to what I am now. The idea about wealth.. hmm, maybe it still holds.
Knowing that some feedback loops are long is easy. Being comfortable with long feedback loops is really hard. There are no signals or milestones to suggest what impact ‘today’s things’ have on my life a decade or three from now. However, one can learn from others.
I began compiling a list of behaviours I’ve seen in many corporate ‘leaders’, and it’s been depressing to read that list. If leadership can be learnt – and it is not sainthood!, there are examples everywhere of what not to do. It’s not often that we get to see a great leader at close quarters, and even less to work for and with one.
Four years of working for one of the best leaders I have known is nearing an end. I’ve been grateful for the opportunity to observe, learn, and to a tiny degree influence their way of the world. The realisation that I too am at a crossroads, can choose whatever I want to pursue next if I choose to, or keep doing what I do because I enjoy it so much is, oddly, terrifying and exhilarating at once.
Some long, hard, journalling hours are ahead of me to make sense of, and feel comfortable with the ideas that are sloshing around in my head. That is why I write.