Scary

Doing something big yet personally meaningfully is scary. Worrying that it isn’t perfect, that it doesn’t meet the (imaginary) standards that other people have for it, that it might not be successful, the pressures are endless. And because of that, most of these ideas remain just that.

I felt fear, and I took a leap of faith today. I’ve set things in motion that can only result in learning and perhaps personal embarassment. I can, and will, prepare of course. I know what it’s for, and who it’s for, and what the constraints are. I don’t know if the outcomes will match my hopes or expectations. In the process of discovering it, I will learn things I won’t have a clue about while I’m preparing.

I learnt today that even when someone is keen to know more about a subject, the environment they have to do that in will make a huge difference. There were workmen who could only attend today, at the very time we were speaking, and it turned into a splitting headache for me, and a series of embarassing apologies for the other person. I could have quite as easily moved our session to a later hour/day.

Re-read the “From Problems to Problem Spaces” blog again today. A few pages of Daniel Kahneman’s book later tonight.

Asked a few questions today, both at work and at home, and truly listened to the answers. I also asked questions and got distracted when the other person spoke; happened more times than I will admit.