Latest Revelations concerning the NSA, a division of the Claus Industries [Humor]

T Rob has the scoop:

It was revealed today in secret documents leaked to this reporter that the US National Security Agency (NSA) is actually a division of Claus Industries, LLC, a company synonymous with its eponymous founder and CEO, Santa Claus….Years ago, as world population rose beyond Santa’s ability to personally keep track of all of us, he first subcontracted, then eventually built his own surveillance teams.  Over the last decade, dedicated Claus Industries surveillance teams have been deployed to every country around the globe, all of them posing as government spy agencies.

Discovery of a new element: CERN makes an announcement [Humor]

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons which are surrounded by vast quantities of right-on-like particles called peons.